i may be struck down but i am NOT DESTROY!

Before i prepare myself for another exciting sunday service, i always asked myself if i can still remember what was been preached without any aid from any notes or reference. This is to really test myself if i really captured what God is trying to speak to me by heart and not memory. Because if you capture it in your heart, you not only will not forget but also apply it too! "Resurrection Power!!" came into my mind.. and yes, that's what i captured in my heart..

There are so many things happening that i can hardly take a break of not thinking and seeking help for God to speak to me in wisdom and direction. Things too overwhelming that i really feel like dying, stop thinking and don't be bothered! But i can't!!! i know i cannot and simply i just cannot!! Because God knows me and i know God. I do not want to be rich bcoz being poor will i have Jesus always in my mind.. I do not want to be wise in knowledge bcoz it may cause me to die my feelings for God.. i do not want to live long life without meaning and purpose in life bcoz i want you Lord..

Things happening in ministry.. boys not coming, one want to leave, some i know they are struggling in sins.. Things in NTU, people may be unsure about why they need to be in the open cell, leaving or even not coming at all.. Things in family, howcome i just cannot get my parents' approval after working so hard!! These are matters that always struck me down, make me helpless..

For ministry, i scare not bcoz my number in cell or cell attendance decreases but i may become selfish and lose the heart for the lost. For NTU, i scare not bcoz why people is not committed but we leaders cannot be clear of sight what God wants us to do. For famly, i scare not bcoz not being accepted nor approved by my parents but when can my whole family come into salvation.. No matter what, i am NOT DESTROYED!! bcoz i have JESUS!! i have the resurrection power through Him! =)

John 10:17-18
"The reason my Father loves me is that i lay down my life-only to take it up again. No one takes it from me, but i lay it down of my own accord. I have the authority to lay it down and authority to take it up again. This command i received from my Father."

Prayer:
Father, i am already dying to my self and my own desire. Really tired and cannot make it already. Only You can make me whole. So please give me strength to move and to keep on giving. i am not superman i know. But unless a kernel of wheat dies, it shall only remain as a seed. i want to be fruitful for You! not bcoz of numbers You send me to lead and change but bcoz You will use me to glorify and testify that You truly are the bread of life! i choose to lay down my life for You so that You may lift me up together with You. God, You're my resurrection power!!

AMEN!!