My Heart wanting to be Transformed

Let's scream together.. ah!!!

Well, exams are around the corner in 3 weeks time! Gorsh! i had plentiful work to do..
looking back from now, i really was amazed with the things i pulled through.. thanks to God!
i believe that it's Him in me, guiding and always pushing me to break the limits which i always believe i cannot do it.

Everytime of trail, i always struggles in the heart with "should i do it?" and "am i willing to do it?". Eventually, God always pulls me through all tests with more understanding of Him. 10 stars to my almighty God! woohoo!

Growing up is a process.. it comes with a heart transformation too.. walking with God never seems to be boring, instead, it was like having a BGR with Him. There are times of saddness and disapointment, there are also times of joy and happiness. However to all these, deep inside my heart i want to be truly convicted that He shall be the one and only!

Some issues that are toggling in my heart now, where my heart always concern about:
(with ranking)
(1) my boys
(2) my family
(3) ministry in school and church events
(4) my personal walk with God
(5) my social friends
(6) my school work

LOL!! i do hope that i can really be readjusting them before the end of the year. well, i have to be trueful that this ranking is definitely not honouring God 1st in place in everything still..

That's y i need a Heart Transformation!!! =)

God, i know You will...

Allow me to wait and serve obediently for any of your calling. Replace Your heart in me.

Abide in His Teaching

It has been tough for me recently.. i simply got home everyday near 11 to 12 midnight.. running wild in my projects, schoolwork, meeting up of people, my boys and cell.. i really have to admit that i am tired..!!

For the past few weeks, i struggled in getting up early for school as i no longer stay in hall but home. Time simply turned out to be so little.. i looked at my schedule, it is always occupied.. a lot of things are coming up to be organised and planned, like youth camp, mooncake festival, projects, ntu open cell, my cell and also trying to start the saturday study group.. i realised i always have to pause to check what's coming up.. I concluded, my workload has piled up as compared to the past.

With all these going on and on in my life, i realised it must be careful dealt with.. i must not leave myself fighting alone.. i always reminded myself "Not by might, Not by power, But by the power of the Holy Spirit!" oh... i mustn't kill the spirit man inside of me.. i know i must regain my focus stongly onto the Lord and believe by faith that He will lay hold of me and all the other matters in my life will be taken care of.. I must look upon His promise, not my problem. This spurs me to another higher level of wanting to abide in Him more.. I sense i need to grow deeper with His words..

John8:31
... "If you hold to my teaching, you are really my disciples."

My prayer:
God, i want to be remember as the son of God when i past away.. not because i want to be recognised but i want You to be recognised the ruler of my Life, my Saviour.. i want to be true disciple of yours.. i need to start right and start strong for you.. continue to stretch me to understand your heart more.. let me be a good steward, serving You.. surface my problems and allow me to see them clearly and deal with them boldly.. I need your strength and wisdom.. Guide me, Mold me as i hold onto your teachings...

I Love You God.. Amen!

Vision

Somewhere in the bible it says, " man without vision, shall perish." indeed i understand that.. but how is it like to have a vision for God? well, today i got the chance to understand and FEEL more about it..

In dictionary, vision means "the act or power of anticipating that which will or may come to be"

A vision from God is not any small things that comes into your head in thoughts only, it's actually feeling it and seeing it happening.. Vision must be caught and believed by life! not any fantasy in the mind oh.. hehe..

My life must be transform.. I don't want to let opporunities to sneak away and not do anything about it! I must start praying for miracles and not any ordinary things that can be accomplish by using common sense. God is not any big small potato, He is the MR I-M-POSSIBLE..

God, let me see your vision..

Botak man is a free man!

"Hey, why are you botak huh?" This question had been asked many many times by many people around me.. seriously i really dunno how to answer or explain to them because i guess they will not fully understand what i am going through my life with God.. to keep it short, i want to walk seriously with God.. Why not run with God or sit down with God? i suppose a relationship with God is never about rushing it or doing things out of our convenience. God walk with us because He knows us.. He will not rush us, he will not forsake us.. He loves us UNCONDITIONALLY..

Botak!! is the faith challenge i issued out to my boys.. out of conviction, i don't bother whether are they going to be cutting anot, i cut 1st!! Being botak is a symbolic or prophetic act for myself to really come back to God and say to Him, "You are the No.1 in my life! i dun care how people is going to see me with the things i say or do, i just want You!" Being botak, is not being cuter in looks, it's about throwing away my image of pleasing people.. i don't need people to come over and praise me with the things i do.. Don't get me wrong, i am not trying to boast myself, i trying to bring to a point "I want to honour and please GOD 1st in everything"

Honestly, i nv regret about being botak. Everytime i see myself in the mirror, i say to myself that i am a free man! Freedom is the ultimate feeling i get! i feel so light! burden free, problem free, trouble free from me! because i got God at my side.. a BIG GOD who carries a cross for everyone.. He CARES for us.. He shall nv make things too difficult for us to handle.. He always has a way out for us but it is only for us if to obey or surrender to His calling.. He always waits patiently and listen carefully to our cries..

Galatians 5:1
"It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery."

I will... Love God, Love His people and Love His words... =)

Cherish things or people around You!

Woo! today is National Day!! hehe.. it had been a wonderful day for me because i managed to purposely engage my parents in asking them to go to the market together and have breakfast together as they collect their medical health report and promising them to come back to have dinner with them.

Parent's health is one area i often keep in prayer with. Looking at my parents with the age of 58 this year, they certainly know how to keep themselves occupied with healthy events. My dad often will exercise himself on a stepping machine daily and my mum does Tai Ji in morning and dancing like 3 times a week. YEah! today's medical report showed some concerning areas of my dad and mum either have dropped near to moderation or still in good healthy conditions.. Oh God! to be frank, when i was hearing the doc reviewing the areas, my heart was certainly worried.. until when everything was certified as good, i subconsciously smiled.. =) In my heart, thanks to God who patiently listens to our prayers and answer them..

Many will only learnt to cherish only when either things or people left them. Some areas are health, friendship, relationship, family, inner peace, study results and many more.. i had learnt my lesson enough for the past. i know the pain was unbearable, not shame to share, like losing of girlfriends, weight lifting for nice wonderful body until i torn my wrist ligament, the trust of my parents due to my rebellious and inmature behaviour and also dear friendships that were lost due to lack of commitment and understanding..

So look around yourself and think deep what are some of the things or people you will hold closely to your life.. Cherish them!

God bless! =)

Your Attitude Determines Your Altitude!!

YEs! today is my second day in school..! BYE BYE to the good old days of slacking, finally over.. haha.. frankly, i no longer like to be lazing ard at home and do nothing bcoz i noe it's very dangerous and easily kills the spirit man inside of me. Although it seems and feels like you do not need to do anything during the holidays, it doesn't mean there's nothing to do! i can be bold to say that i purposefully engaged myself wonderfully with events like catching up with MANY friends and also serve my mama at home.. wahah!

Whenever school starts, we always will like automatically sink into the mode of "sian-ness". Everyday dragging ourselves to school.. well, to your info, i need a travelling time of 1hr 45min to 2hrs to reach my school from home! so DUN COMPLAIN if your travelling time is shorter than mine, bcoz i don't complain!! hehe

Time seems to be wasted away huh.. BUT!! what kept me strong and cheerful all way during the travelling is spending Quiet Time with the Lord. Reading His words, I renewed my mind, prepared my heart for the day and even prayed for people. So time isn't wasted! hehe.. As Ps Yeuang Cheng once shared, "Your Attitude determines you Altitude in Christ!", which i strongly agreed too, i will nv want my attitude towards my life and God to be slacken.. I choose to be excited in my everyday life while facing challenges!!

Reflection:
This is a year of Victory! I must be inspired 1st so then can i be inspiring to others.. Must Know that we must always be THANKFUL, always VICTORIOUS in Christ and always A BLESSING!!

Informal Time

This week got to meet up with two of my boys separately.. There wasn't any cell setting or any formal instruction to pass down.. purely just want to fellowship!! Come to think about it, i hardly have good quality time of fun with my boys.. since almost everytime we meet for processing and cell, so i purposely made the objective of the meet up to be very relaxing and kpoing with them about "unusual" topics. hehe.. This is informal time! =)

So during the two informal time of chatting, i laughed with the funny and paiseh questions i used to poke my boys.. in return, i found out more "darker" secrets and confessions.. (don't worry sons, my mouth is tight) wahah.. It was good, building a more intimate relationship with them, just like being a friend to them more than a leader.. This is what G12 is all about.. we Leadership, be a Shepherd and also Manager.. all these just out of a heart wanting to Love them.. the "Love Language" woohoo!!! =)

Our Ps Cesar (spiritual great great great grandpa in Cambodia) once said "Informal time is important!" i can now truely say i understand and experience this point with my spiritual sons..

Reflection:
Let's not be too caught up on looking at and anticipating the outcome or result in matters or on people.. Let us be seeing hope in everyone, speaking and showing nothing but only the "Love Language" =)

Passion Driven i Must Become..

It had been tough and challenging for the past 2months.. problems with the boys mischievious acts, being a good boy at home helping household chores, organising and attending gatherings.. A lot of self control and discipline needed.. Eventually at times i was tired, not happy and couldn't laugh. But i know it had a good change of heart in me..

Today i blessed my father at home with the 100k blessing.. once again was poked by him with questions and sarcastic remarks regardings Christianity. you asked me how did i feel after blessing him.. i would say it's not good.. i was sad and disappointed, it revealed that my care for them is not enough or should i say not compassionate enough.. it seems like all the work i did in the past was flushed down the drian, not enough for them to see or feel my love for them at all..

For the past, i knew i pushed myself to do things for my family, wanting to get accepted by them for who i am after receiving Christ. Confession!! i was so wrong.. our hearts can be really deceitful at times.. i was "blinded" by thinking i had did enough..

Sitting on Mrt to meet Anthony, i reflected.. The work had not been done in my family.. anything intention without action is nothing.. also, any action without love is nothing too!! I have to always remind myself for it is God's love that changed me to who i am today. I need to move my life in this wonderful love always and meanwhile keeping a Pure HEart, Rightful Conscience and Sincere Faith!

1 Corinthians 13
"1If I speck in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. 2If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. 3 If i give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames, but have not love, I gain nothing."

Lord, pour over your love in to my life.. let it overflow! i want my heart to be changed, to be more compassionate like Yours.. Work my heart, pump love into me so Love, it shall be the one which motivates me to do every work of Yours.

Jiayou Chong!!

Amazing 20! it shall be a lifestyle of praying..

Wow!! i blessed 20 people in a short 16days!! even myself i could believe it till last night. i realised the number when i was updating my log book faithfully. i was committed to pray daily for my friends..

Actually, i had no intention at all to be reaching the numbers so fast. However, certainly i was committed to want to bless people around me.. so every now and then, i cannot stand myself doing nothing at home and not blessing my friends out there.. So i met one by one or through gatherings. Eventhough i was at home, i blessed my mama either by sweeping and mopping the floor or accompanying her to the NTUC.. I am still totally amazed with the numbers i had today and happy for when i focus on blessing people, God will fill me up with the numbers faithfully. =)

Every night i am committed to pray for everyone inside my log book and also those that i have in mind to meet up to bless. Everytime i looked at the names, i told the Lord to fill my heart with compassion for them as i pray. i don't want it to be like a duty or chore, rather it should be a lifestyle.. to be praying for people daily so that there will be breakthroughs in their lives!! Thus, i took another PACKET of blessings!!! Friends out there, i believe that God will certainly answer prayers.. it may not be all but i trust He had best plans for you..

For this 100k campagne, i see God's hand moving into people's lives unconditionally. God, you certainly loves us so much even as we turned our backs against you.. You're beautiful and gracious..

Lord, let it be a lifestyle that i will pray to watchover those around me.. those i treasure, cherish and dear to me. Let humility be upon me.. for humility is not having lesser of myself but thinking myself lesser.. Lesser of me and more of You God pouring into my life..

Have your way in me.. Blessings everywhere..

While doing the 40days fast, i reflected having good intentions are not enough, Be commited to taking action. Just like what Ed Silvoso said, "Lack of work will lead to the lost of faith."

Recently i was having gatherings. Met up a lot of friends. i was asking myself after a long period of not being together, what could i do to bless them. "100K blessings!!!" came into my mind. But, i was fearful of rejections deep in my heart because i didn't want to lose friendships or make them any deserted from me with the clash of misunderstanding of my intention. i just want to bless them.. i cherish friendships and relationships..

Deep inside my heart, i know that God wanted to bless them even more! therefore, if i don't act upon blessing them, i may cut away chances for God's miracles to be happening in their lives. I had my own miracles with God, i know how good it felt. How can i be so selfish and not let this happiness be happening in them.. Good intention is not good enough, i MUST DO IT!

Being obedient, I did the 100k blessing by faith with Andy, his gf Jennie, Yiyun, Kaixin, Poh Choo, Wenting, Jinghui.. i dunno how do they think about this but God i really pray that You can answer their innermost deep desired needs in their hearts.. may it be health, family harmony, inner peace or even forgiveness, God i know you are a provider.. i believe You have plans for them.. I am commited to pray for you my friends and patiently await for good news be upon you. =)

It was heart warming after every gathering.. With smiles in my heart, i wish all of you my friends out there to be blessed, strengthened, flee from any temptation or misery and may there be joy in your life in everything..

Although it was my birthday celebration, i really felt nothing good for myself everytime. I will only feel good when friends, you are blessed with a laugh or smile on your face. You all are special to me no matter where you are.. i am actually blessed to have you all in my life.. Thank you! =)

Do we deserve it?

Yesterday was a partnership with one of my spiritual bro, Jasper. We met at tampines mall with one thing in mind, to do the 100k blessings. We went to NtUC 1st to buy mineral water to bless the people who we would met. Then we prayed to the Lord, asking favour from Him that He would used us to bless those He wanted.

In my heart, frankly, i was excited!! suddenly it felt like this was a real life RPG game conquering quest for the Lord. haha. Well, I asked God to lead me specifically who could i bless. This was because i didn't want to be blessing people who i wanted, instead of God's will. He said "smokers!" So i went ahead without much hesitation. Indeed, I blessed two.

The 1st smoker who i approached was directly behind me, so i went. As we chit chat and addressed him who we were and what was our purpose, we found out that he actually has a gf who is also a Christian belonging to a church in Hougang. Ironically, his purpose there was to "kua zhui" (watch out for police) as his partner was selling VCDs down the road. haha. I continued to pray for him as his eyes still fixed onto the road. Lastly, we thanked him and while walking away, i told him that God will still bless him. wahaha. He laughed. =)

"Woohoo! God, i did it!!" this i said delightly inside my heart. it felt good. Thank God..

Shortly walking awhile, i approached the 2nd smoker. He smiled at me and was friendly. Same thing, i shared who was i and my intention. i started asking him if did he ever want to quit smoking. With a question mark face, he replied "never". It seemed like no one ever asked him to quit before. Thus, I continued to ask, "Do you have a gf, does she mind your smoking habit?" and "Do you know that smoking is bad for health?". He smiled and said yes to both. After that i was inspired to share how i myself quited the habit with God amazingly used a sergernt to catch me smoking during army. In fact, in army, everyone knows that smokers are allowed to smoke. He was amazed. This broke the ice! I told him God does care for us.

We continued with the list of blessings. i promised him that i will certainly prayed over his health everyday even before he expressed what he wanted. He was amazed by my act of commitment. He commented he really felt my sincerity and appreciated me. but as i requested to pray for him, he said this "i don't think i deserved this". oh!!! Instantly i felt God's compassion pouring into me, it was so sad. I told him that i wanted to bless you because God 1st blessed me and HE wants to bless everyone. Eventually he agreed to receive the blessing prayer. After praying, i also assured him that i believe God can do miracles and he will help him in kicking the smoking habit if he's willing. He smiled. Just before we parted, i pleased him to call me if he successfully quit the habit within one month. He agreed. haha..

I did a reflection.. God really wants to bless us. Yes, everyone!!! the 1st smoker who was a working in a business in selling pirated vcds and the 2nd smoker who was so shocked that someone not related does cared to pray for him everyday. God loves and HE cares! that's y he sent Jesus down to die for us. Do we deserve it? frankly, i don't think so but through His amazing grace we were all saved by putting our faith in believing Jesus Christ as our Lord and Saviour.

God, open my eyes to see you and my ears to hear you! continue to work my heart.. Let me be more compassionate for the lost..

Lord, I want......!!!

Hallelujah!! i am back from a 2day2 night wonderful encounter camp.. In this camp, i went back to the most fundamental things we need to know in order to understand God's will for our lives..

1.God, you are our perfect father
2.Jesus, our saviour
3.The work of the Cross
4.Our counsellor, Holy Spirit

However, in this post, i wanted to share one ultimate attitude which i captured during the camp that will bring us to the success. That is the "I want..!!" attitude.

Most of the time in the session led by Ps Danny, we were always shouting "I want...!!" At first, all of us were either hesitant or too shy when asked to do so.. but after a few times, we really opened our hearts and shouted. This was to awake the desire inside us that we want God. every shouting we held for 20-30sec and they were loud..

Upon reflecting, i realised that many things in my life usually complied this attitude.. Without this attitude, there won't be any desire to do any thing properly. May end up being lost and losing focus. For example, i was quite an impressive soccer player during my younger days.. that was because I WAnTED to be the best. i pushed myself to practice diligently day in day out, focusing on dribbling, ball control, shooting and even accuracy and result showed! i was the only chinese who made it into the 1st team representing up to national level competing with every other top schools in Singapore. hehe..

Today, God i want You! i desire You.. have Your way in me.. continue to work in my heart as i focus on listening to Your Voice everyday.. =)

My Quiet Time

I am grateful of where i am at this point of time in my life.. certainly many of my friends noticed a significant difference in me compared to the past.. I must confess that i always want to seek for a life that is problem free, relax and can just laid back and do nothing.. in fact, this is a desire where all human beings wanted. However in reality, this is impossible..

Everyday doing my quiet time with the Lord, reading His words, reflecting upon my life.. i come to understand myself more and more.. This become a walking journey with the Lord understanding more of Him and knowing more of myself.. i discovered many root issues that always channelled to many similar problems in my life.. so by refreshing my heart and mind daily with the Lord, keeps me Awake! in a sense that i will safe guard myself from all sort of bad behaviour and attitude which may lead to sins.. in life, we have a choice.. we always do!

John 8:31-32
To the Jews who had believed him, Jesus said, "If you hold to my teaching, you are really my disciples. Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free."

In a season of Looking Far, i target myself to be someone who can really shout out loud.. "Lord, indeed i am a son of Yours!"

I surrender all to you, Lord.. i will learn to be more obedient and hold onto your teaching closely in my heart to live purposefully for You everyday in my life...

Guarding my Heart, my Life

I supposed hardening our hearts is a time of rejecting God's best offer for ourselves.

Come to think about it, i have somethings with me which i am still struggling with.. A lot of time i harden my heart for self pleasure.. This cut away all the goodness and perfect plan God had planned for me..

Hardening of the heart can be like the things we think negatively, things we do selfishly, words we say out of ego.. people does like to dwell in the sweet old memories whether is it relationship or glory, we have this self seeking attitude to feel good about ourselves.. Because we want the best in everything for ourselves..

Today i reflected, i know that the best cannot be found anywhere except in the Lord. Also, we must learn to put away all selfishness so that God can work more in us..

Heavenly Father,

Take away my "self", Put more of You in me..

I pray..

Amen..

5 hours of waiting time, is it worth it?

"Sitting down, laying down.. its just so uncomfortable!! i needed a bed.." This is what i was thinking and hoping for at the airport.. what happened was, i waited for a best buddy of my lifetime coming back from overseas.

His arrival time was 540am and i waited him personally at the airport since 1230am. you know, it's a terrible feeling if you got no one picking you up or welcoming you back. So i decided to stayover at the airport.

A total of 5 hours of waiting time i had before he made his appearance in front of me.. i was so delighted..

"Jin Ke Qiang Welcome Back!!" hehe..

Many things in life have their values.. Money has value, things kept for a long time have their values, and even ourselves have values with the qualification in studies.. haha.. so how about friends?

In my life, friends played an important role. They encourage me, support me, help me and make me laugh.. eventhough there are hard times, friends still care for me, love me and protect me.. i do treasure friends a lot, but at times don't know how to express myself very well.. and i believe many may share the same problem..

But the sad things is sometimes people chooses friends by their looks, style, character, background and even for benefits.

Shouldn't we compare? haha, yet everybody is unqiue and special is his or her own ways..

A friend is understanding, forgiving us for what we did wrong, never leaves when you are in trouble, share your ups and downs, always want the best out of you, never ask for anything and so so so much more... so what is the value of a friend to you?

Since you know how a friend should value, shouldn't you be a friend of your friends around you?

Friendship are sweet and beautiful, don't let it be one of your regrets for not treasuring anyone around you who are true and nice to you. =)

A Miracle Or Coincidence?

This might had happened to me but... hehe...

Recently i had an amazing experience of life and death while crossing the road.. I was taking a route back to Redhill Mrt Station by walk, crossing a lot of small narrow roads. When it came to the second last junction where i was about to walk across.. Suddenly, i heard a voice telling me that there was a car approaching.. So i stopped instantaneously and looked onto my left.. At the bend, "ZooMMMmmm!!!" a black coloured car speeded pass me..

Wow!! i was so gladed that i did stopped and looked.. Immediately i thanked God for saving my life..

So people, how will you consider about my escape from a car accident.. a miracle or coincidence?

Erm, it is a coincidence if you think i happened to be cautious and checked for cars before crossing the road..

However, i believe it is a miracle because i trusted God was in full control of the situation, telling me to stopped, preventing the car from knocking into me.. and sparing my life by His amazing Grace from any suffering..

I realised how amazingly God did to save my life.. HE warned me that there's a car coming. HE stopped me from moving forward. He allowed me to witness and feel His Awesome power by watching the car flew pass me. It just so supernatural and i am so grateful for HIM for saving my life.

"How many times in life we ignored Him, we chosed our way of life.."

My little prayer..

"Lord, allow me to be listening to your calls.. Please don't let the world blind my feelings for You.. i want You to be the shepherd of my life.. teach me, grow me and guide me to be more Christ liked. Thank You for Your amazing love and grace upon me.. i want to serve you with my life."

Do you want to see miracles? Do you desire miracles to be happening in your lifetime?

haha.. wait no more!! because i did. Hope you will have a supernatural encounter with God.. =)

"I'm not a bad person, i just have bad luck!"

I had an interesting hang out with my little boys in catching a show. Well, the movie was none other than "Spiderman 3". Woohoo!! Finally i watched.. some of my friends even commented "wah! so slow den watch ah". Indeed it's a very good movie i will recommend everyone to watch. 5 stars man!! Yeah..

At the beginning of the show, a very interesting tag line caught my attention. It was said by the escaped convict(sandman) when he was forced by his wife to leave the house. He said, "I'm not a bad person, i just have bad luck." Wow! i was so amazed because isn't this sound very familiar among people while discussing or sharing issues in life like studies, work and results..

While in school, one of my schoolmate always complaint that he isn't stupid or slow in studies, it is just his luck that the questions in the exams are always those that he is not good at. That's why he failed the paper.

During my secondary school time, i found out that friends got a partime job which was very relax and easy YET we got the same amount of pay rate!!! i was furious and complaint that it was just my luck.. although getting the same pay rate, i had to work more than my friends.

The funniest was from my parents.. Always complaining that they are down on their luck of having a long "drought" not striking 4D.. Everytime switching on the tv text, never will i fail to hear long winding "Aiyo" and "Suay"(which means bad luck) from them.. hehe.. lucky enough they do not know i got a blog.. =X

What i am trying to drive at is.. many times in life when things happened in a bad way or problems surfaced, we do resort to excuses to allow ourselves to feel better and not do anything about it. "Luck" just happened to be one of easiest excuses we can find. When things come in handy or hard to have solutions, we will naturally want to run away from them, put them aside and don't care about them, or even pretend that nothing even happened!!

In the past, i always run away from problems, friends and family. Because i did not want to deal with it.. I was scare.. I did not know how to.. I found and felt it was difficult.. By doing this, i created more problems instead.. well, not many i really could take it.. However each was a growing process to learn and grow strong. =)

There are matters in life we really have to bite our teeth and believe in ourselves that we can do it. We don't rely on luck very much.. All we need is extra effort, extra care amd extra focus at different situations..

Finally, i reflected and got this..

"Stop finding excuses for ourselves because dare to deal with the matters will allow us to grow in character, learn and understand more about values in life.."